You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
