Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
