What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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