So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
