Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize