Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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