its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
