you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize