You were right. It hurts to walk today.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
