How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dear god my vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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