walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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