Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
