Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
