Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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