She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
40s are totally the cure
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
