can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
