Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
