I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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