I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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