I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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