i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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