Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
