I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
