consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
