Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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