well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
