I just saw a hot homeless man
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
