put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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