those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
