I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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