i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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