Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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