my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
