Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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