It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
