3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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