R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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