you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
