I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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