I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
