I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
