Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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