Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is wine microwaveable?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
