at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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