i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
