I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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