I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
