did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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