a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
