The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
