I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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