last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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