how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Randomize