Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
