you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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