Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
