p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
