My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm going to jail i love you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
