Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
