he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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