You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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