his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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