Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
