She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
