Do you still have your period?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
