Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize