weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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