Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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