I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
