Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?

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(510): View more from California

You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

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(847): View more from Illinois

what did you hear about me?

(630): View more from Illinois

that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around

(630): View more from Illinois

that was hard to say and not laugh

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

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(914): View more from New York

Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame

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(661): View more from California

I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.

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