I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
