We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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