Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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