She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
not ubering you a puppy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
